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JADE 2: look!
JADE: bluhhh obviously i was thinking about our whole life!
JADE: if you are truly another me
JADE: then you know first hand that we always end up alone :(
JADE 2: do i know that?
JADE 2: or do i think that i know that?
JADE: what?
JADE 2: always alone is a pretty big deal!
JADE 2: and its true that being forced into isolation suddenly and randomly is a big symptom of our lives
JADE 2: but i dunno
JADE 2: maybe thats just how it went regardless of us at all!
JADE 2: not because of something that we did or happen to be
JADE: oh
JADE 2: maybe that fact makes it worse idk yet
JADE 2: to be honest im new to accepting this part of myself as well
JADE 2: but in my timeline, everything you just went through was different
JADE 2: at least to the point where i went on the meteor trip
JADE: did you figure out how to live with those john and davesprite being jerks all the time?
JADE 2: no
JADE 2: they both died out of nowhere in the first year
JADE: nooooo
JADE: oh god :(
JADE: thats so sad!
JADE 2: it was!
JADE 2: i spent that whole time by myself
JADE 2: just thinking about their seemingly pointless loss the whole time with nothing better to do but sulk and eat nannas cakes
JADE: im so sorry omg
JADE: thats awful
JADE 2: it was a really painful time
JADE 2: and was a difficult memory to revisit
JADE 2: but at the end
JADE 2: i learned from a mysterious lady that it needed to happen in order to ensure that we would be able to make it as far as we did
JADE 2: or something like that
JADE: i see :(
JADE 2: this same lady explained that our aspect often requires us to "fall back," which is mystical code for having to step aside as things supercede us
JADE 2: this part of our aspect, you know
JADE 2: it limits our ability to connect with others
JADE 2: and it makes it harder for us to feel like we take up space at all
JADE: yeah :'((((
JADE: so our destiny is just to always sacrifice our experiences and our time with others for the benefit of fate
JADE: even in a fixed timeline :/
JADE: thats really it?
JADE 2: well no
JADE 2: of course not
JADE 2: meeting you just now is evidence otherwise!
JADE 2: to be honest, ive wanted to meet you for awhile now
JADE: really?
JADE 2: yes!
JADE: hehe <3
JADE: well for what its worth
JADE: i am glad to meet you too
JADE: i wish i could say that i had been looking forward to meeting you
JADE: but im still new to being a jade
JADE 2: dont worry about it
JADE 2: i wanted to meet you because its important to explain this
JADE 2: i dont think that mysterious lady was totally right
JADE: oh?
JADE 2: ive had a lot of time to think about it
JADE 2: a friend of mine you havent met yet once told me that there was a version of me who had it different
JADE 2: that spent all three years with her friends
JADE 2: among several other things :P
JADE 2: she had fun and all but there were struggles too
JADE 2: to be honest, it was nice to hear that even when i got the thing i wanted so badly it still wasnt perfect
JADE 2: it made me realize that yearning for the moment that i was never going to feel alone was just not going to happen
JADE: ah :(
JADE 2: no, its ok!
JADE 2: this conclusion was actually comforting to me
JADE 2: thats what i meant when i said that its nothing we did to cause it
JADE 2: it just is
JADE: but how can we make it NOT like that?
JADE: what kind of life is lived just always ending up alone?
JADE 2: but you saw for yourself
JADE 2: we arent alone :)
JADE 2: the lonely feeling in this echo chamber of self is so loud
JADE 2: its amplified by trauma and fear and neglect and whatever else
JADE 2: but its not necessarily right!
JADE: but what if it is?
JADE: what if at the end we never get to be with the people we love
JADE: or do the things we like to do
JADE: because it was never meant to be!
JADE: i cant live like that!
JADE: every time we get our hopes up
JADE: thinking "this time it will be different"
JADE: it just gets torn away from us
JADE: am i just supposed to pretend thats ok???